How do you say “gay” in Italian???

Posted on January 22, 2011


I forgot to “Publish” this post yesterday!!! Oooops….Preview does not =PUBLISHED

Dear Federal Express in Italy,

This FedEx is over 6 hours away in Northern Italy (where the big mountains are)! I received a “telegramma” today in the mail from this location. The door man stopped me and handed me a letter. I opened it and had no idea what to do with it or what it was trying to tell me. I rush up stairs to translate this mystery! I open my computer to locate the FedEx and while the computer warms up I start looking up words in my little Italian-Inglese dizionario. “Contattare”…? English=Contact. Ok so far contact FedEx…then some numbers…Yes! One is  a tracking number…Something..something “Per la Spedizione”….NOT in my book…The laptop is up and running! I look it up online… a noun meaning ALL of these words are you joking me!?

  1. shipping
  2. shipment
  3. dispatch
  4. expedition
  5. consignment
  6. forwarding
  7. sending
  8. despatch
  9. posting
  10. remittance…Do you see another reason this language is such a challenge?

Luckily, T arrives home within 20 minutes and I ask her to translate the short message typed in bold print. All that it says is that we have to call this number here, as she points, and then they will tell us. Cosa?? (what!?) Ok knowing that NOTHING happens right away I ask if we can call today before it ends. She says,” yes, of course.” Then we prepared to have lunch, changed Matteo’s clothes, washed our hand, changed our shoes…ate lunch…picked up the house a little. I love that when she asks me to help clean up the living room or the boys room to “make some order” around here! An hour goes by and I knew I had to get out of there!! I was so anxious about knowing what was going on with the package 6 hours away I just had to get out of the house and try to calm down. Italians just do not understand the urgency in ANYTHING! No one is ever in a hurry, waiters take 10 minutes to get your water, people literally stroll, not walk and the jokes about “mexican” time has nothing on “Italian”  time! I put on my hat and jacket and tell her that I will be back before she has to go and get Tommaso from school. As you want. I ask if we can call FedEx when I return and she says yes. Again. You would think she would possibly offer her time right then? Nope. I know that she ordered some things off Amazon, she told me, wasn’t she anxious about getting things in the mail? Do people just grow out of it? Maybe since this package contains birthday gifts and I have no idea what is inside is the culprit to my frenzy. It is 1:45 and she goes to get him before 4. I go for an hour stroll and hope that all the Gelato places are closed. I was about to order three flavors mashed together on an unsturdy cone due to the anxiety I was feeling. I walk by Vice and the sign says that they are closed til February 3rd! From what I could translate from the sign they are remodeling it. That is probably good news. I walk some more and begin to calm down and try to remind myself that I can’t rush time and I sure cannot rush any Italians. At the house, kids under the age of 7 or Italians at Customs for that matter. By the time I get back home I almost forgot about the letter. I get back and have a large glass of water. A few minutes later  T calls me to her room. I go inside and she has the phone in her hand and asks me if now is a good time to call? Mama Mia! I grab the letter and sit on the edge of her bed with her while she dials the number. Meanwhile, Matteo is complaining that he wants to watch cartoons but there is nothing on the TV. He starts getting under her covers and kicking around. I know that I am not supposed to laugh when she is telling him to stop doing things but I almost can’t hold back. I make myself look away but how am I supposed to appear busy when I am in her room while she is on the phone for me? She presses more buttons and I watch her nod her head, roll her eyes and then fianlly look towards me and mouth, “ughhh music…” She is on hold. She tells me that there was a prompt in english but she choose Italian. Finally someone is actually on the line! They exchange some words and she tells them the tracking number, her name, the address, her cell number, and then says,”Va bene..Grazie. Va bene. Ciao.” (va bene means “okay”) She tells me that I have to sign something and they are sending it here. Cosa?! I am more confused and mentally kick myself for not demanding the phone and pressing 2 for English!!! All I can do is wait. Wait. Wait. I am sure that I will get the package before the month is up so I will just look forward to that. I was hoping for gifts because I am running low on funds and buying myself something new again is not an option til next month (for example the fur-lined converse) so receiving a package with new stuff would be exciting and occupy me as a distraction from shopping.

Va Bene…In class today Francesca told us that she had to pay a fine for having an expired bus pass! It expired only by ten minutes…I wonder how much it would be if you didn’t have one at all!? I am almost positive that she said 150 Euro just for the 10 minutes past! We learned the word for fine, which is “multa”. I never want this to happen to me and I am not going to lie I jumped on a few buses without a pass. Never again. I buy when I take the bus but the best thing to do is buy a monthly pass for 30 Euro opposed to buying 2 or 3 “biglietto” (tickets) a day.  The only problem with this is that these passes are only available the first week of the month! This is why I walk a lot! Besides a good workout I usually only take the bus at night or when I am going far. Adding this to my list of things to buy (comprare) in Febbraio: monthly pass, converse, and new bag. That is it.

My friend L and I shared the story about Alex from yesterday. A short and mostly Italian conversation and she laughed with us during our 11am “caffe break”. She told us that she was not joking and she truly has a stalker here in Rome. Dangerous ex-boyfriend that literally tried to go after her. Pazzo Italianos! She told us that she had to create a fake name on Facebook just to avoid him! If I have to change my name on Facebook it will be Nancie Diendarella. (I won’t really use this name if I am being stalked! I just gave it away!) I tried to look up her “fake” name and there were over 150 of them and none in Rome. She really is being careful! I will tell her to just find me instead since I had no success. We all laugh in class about being addicted to Facebook and cell phones. I have become very used to not having my cellphone. I adjusted a lot faster than I expected and I almost don’t miss it anymore. I saw my old Blackberry storm here for 489 Euro!! There are no contracts here either which sounds amazing! Francesca told us “Tim” company is the absolute worst and expensive. Great that is what T gave me to use. I already ran out of “usage” after the ski trip. I can receive calls and text but I cannot make calls or text until I “re-up” my phone its pretty useless. In our text book we had a short practice section of filling in the blanks and the image was supposed to be of a “SMS” conversation. Yes, a texted conversation. I guess I found it funny because the literal translations just aren’t the same in english. Oh well. Va bene…

I talked with my dad today via Skype and he told me that my blog made him laugh and called the guy a “snapper-head”! Man, I miss and love my dad so much! He says the funniest stuff and really makes me laugh hard. I told him that these Romans don’t have girls that are friends and I think that I am not going to have many new male friends since they think they all want to date. This is his advice ready?! (Pronti!?) Meet guys that are gay in Rome! Only my dad would tell his youngest daughter to go find some gay Italians to befriend. Got to love the good Doctor for that! It is not a bad idea. I read about some clubs here in my Roman tour guide written by Romans. Step one: Speak this language. Step 2: find new male best friend with boyfriend! Oh! And the answer to my title? Allegro. By the dizionario it means (really) happy, gay. A true Omosessuale  is the male bestie I need here in Rome!!!

Thanks Dadio!


Posted in: When in Rome