A gay bar, a rude awakening and a minor fender-bender…

Posted on February 20, 2011

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Dear Micca Club,

“That club is for girls. And some boys. Boys with boyfriend.”He says. I finally went out to a “club” but it was not your typical night out.  We arrived late so we missed the “show” which was not so much a burlesque..but a “boy-lesque” which means dudes in thongs, wigs and a lot of make-up. If I was a male into males I would be in heaven. A heaven that is underground, smelly and pumping loud OLD music. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE old music. But I felt that I was pushed back into the 50’s and 60’s with no warning! Beach Boys and Jump in the Line (shake, shake Senora) exploded from the underground brick gay lair. I would have felt more comfortable in a poodle-skirt or costume! I did get high-heeled for this two-hour affair but was entirely pleased with myself for having my black chucks in my purse. It was a steep 10 euro to enter and then you must purchase a “drink ticket” for another 10 euro, THEN find the bar and order your drink. Expensive and not very good at all. I don’t even like soda but for the sugar induced coma that the weak  mojito gave me I would have been happier to shot-gun a coca-cola. Not only was I not impressed by my drink I was also not that fond of my heels and my “sagging” nylons! I have not worn these nylons here and I am remembering now that when I wore them before I must have been wearing a skirt or something tight because every 4 steps I had to (attempt) to discreetly yank them up past my butt back where they belonged! Not lady like. Once I realized early on in the night that this would be an issue I considered buying new ones but after 9pm everything is closed. Before the club I literally “fixed” my problem by tying the left side of the nylons in an 80’s knot on my hip! My dress was loose enough that the knot was hidden but I felt so silly and only about 27% more comfortable. I have pictures from the club but I left my camera with someone since they needed it more than me…I will get into that later…

Not only did Mickey pick me and Texa up after we had dinner but he then drove us to meet our friends to go to Micca. Then an hour later he assured me through a sweet text that when we were ready he would come back to take us home. “What a good boyfriend!” Texa exclaims after pulling a long drag off her cigarette. She tells me that her and her (long.long.long distance boyfriend in Iraq) got into a serious fight about her going out tonight to this club. We all had another idea what this place was like! But Texa was impressed that not only did Mickey drop us off but he also offered to pick us up? “He is a keeper.” Agreed. By the time that he comes back for us it is past 2am. We get to his car and experience another “Austin Powers” moment in forward and reverse trying to get out of a tight parking spot. People start honking and Texa yells, “Why are they horning at us!!!??” I laugh out loud and tell her that it is “honking…not horning..!” We all have a good laugh but decided to adopt this new saying when anyone honks. By the time that we arrive near Texa’s house we pass it by mistake so we have to “flip-a-bitch”. I explain to Texa that he has to go forward another block before he can flip one and she understands because she too uses this term but he has the most confused look on his face. “How do you “flip-a-bitch?” He asks with a heavy accent. I like when he makes fun of her and I in English he actually sounds sort of British! It is too funny. I explain what a “U-turn” is and he understands but still unsure about the “bitch” part. I, too, am not sure but I still use this expression. Who is the bitch in this saying? The road? The car?  I let Texa out and we say goodbye exchanging kisses to the cheeks. She grabs my shoulders and tells me, “Seriously Lex…he IS a keeper! Ciao bella!” and turns towards her house. “What is keeper” he asks me when I get back in the car. Man, are we having an English lesson today! I tell him that what she means is that I need to “keep you” as in “I am keeping you and not letting you go.” “Ahhh..va bene. So you will “keep me?”

It is now past 3:30 in the morning when we finally arrive home. His friend (more like his son!) Mario stays with him and comes home a little while later plastered drunk, slurring words, falling over, throwing up..trashed! He has to help him change, wash and get into bed. What a night! I notice that his cheek is split and swollen. Did he get into a fight?! Papa Mickey to the rescue he helps his friend and tells me to go “be with my mother while I help him.” She was wide awake after this 4:30am wake-up disturbance. She is the sweetest lady did not even seem to be bothered a bit! She tells me to get into her bed with her and she pulls the blankets up to my chin and tells me to stay warm while Mickey tends to his “son.” Even she jokes that he takes care of him like it is his son. This woman reminds me of my own mother. So understanding and beautiful. I rest my head on her small shoulder while we watch some old movie on the TV. I am almost asleep (again) when he comes back in to get me and tells me to join him outside for one last cigarette. This was quite the night. A cigarette calms him and we relax under the full moon. Can we please get some sleep yet??

We all sleep through the morning into the afternoon. By the time that we get up it is almost 3pm! His mother had prepared some fantastic soup for us and had the table set. She had made a special soup that Mickey had asked  for since he is also getting sick. On top of a disaster of a night he is coming down with a cold and not feeling well. This soup is not Italian it is Romanian. Either way it was REALLY good. I have not had any soup since I have been here so I was eager to indulge. It was full of vegetables and two different kinds of meat. A little cream thickened it up and it went well with a side of  soft bread for dipping. After the soup we have some bananas, apples and perfect oranges. We also each had a piece of a tasty pastry treat that his mother had made with some raisins, creamy cheese and fluffy flakey bread. I want to eat here everyday! After we clean up we thank her for the lovely meal and kiss her goodbye. She gives me a tight squeeze and tells me, “sei cosi piccolo, piccolo!” (you are sooo small!) I laugh and say that I am not that little and Mickey grabs me in for kiss and tells me that I am in fact “piccolino!” (teeny..) Maybe. Maybe I am smaller than I think.

After we drop off Mario we see a sweet hot red Ferrari zoom by. We are driving in sort of a “round-a-bout”  veering left and then  all of a sudden BOOOOM! “Affanculo!” Mickey yells…(pretty much=Eff it all! Affanculo is the cut version of Vaffanculo, which is worse: Eff you…) That red Ferrari crashed into the passenger rear end of his car!!! We were only driving less than 10 mph but the minor impact had a major impact on the owner of the beautiful car! He went “pazzo!” (crazy) and yelled and cussed and they exchanged lots of bad words and argued whose fault it was (lots of Vaffanculo..etc..etc..) In America if you are rear-ended it is never your fault. Here it is supposedly the same but this wild Italian was set that it was NOT his fault. He whips out his iPhone and starts snapping shots of the minor impact. I give Mickey my camera and he does the same. These two were not the only ones taking pictures! I saw some people on the street snapping photos and others eating their gelato and sitting on the curb to “watch” the scene! I didn’t want him to see me laughing but I was quite amused by the entire fiasco myself. So many people were “horning at us!” and traffic became pretty congested due to this minor fender-bender. The Carabinieri finally came and began to sort out the mess. It was almost 5pm by this time and he knew that he would be there “forever” so he asked his friend that happened to be down the street to continue to drive me home while he waited. What a day. What a night! Fender-bender?? Accidents are truly rare in this Eternal City but I of course had to experience one. So that is where my camera is for now. Collateral I suppose once again. I still have his umbrella so I believe it is now just an even exchange, right? We talked of going to dinner tonight at his friends restaurant but we are both tired, he is sick and it started to rain.

 Un’altra  notte. Another night…

Jessica

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Posted in: When in Rome