Common Sense Teeth and Too Much PDA

Posted on March 27, 2011


Dear Man Purse,

I have been wondering what exactly a man puts inside this satchel? I see plenty of men around from the ages of a young 18 to 85 and older with all kinds of different styles of bags. Some nice designer bags slung across their chest with Gucci straps and gold logos. Some would fit somewhere between a fanny pack or cheap style  from a local souvenir shop. Many choices for men but I am so deeply interested in what the hell that put inside. Their phones? Their wallet? Chapstick? Paper and pens..??? What could possibly need an entire bag? I even checked out one mans back pocket for his wallet and it was there in his jeans yet he had a man purse as well. I must find out what these men are hiding in their purse!

Yesterday, I spent the entire afternoon via Skype. I was seriously surprised that the video worked for that long and got to see everyone that I miss most! Everyone started drinking champagne when they woke so I instantly became jealous and ran down to the store to get a bottle of wine to join them after watching them guzzle for an hour. Before I left I set up the camera to face the street outside for their entertainment while I was away. It was after 5pm Rome time so it was NOT too early for me to start drinking. Happy hour(s) indeed we spent drinking and laughing and telling stories. At one point I was serenaded by a terribly tuned guitar. Luckily, he can sing so the guitar didn’t matter  and I loved every minute of it. They brought me around the house to each room that they stumbled into and I really felt back at my sister’s condo. They only made it into the kitchen maybe 3 hours after our happy hour(s) began. They were a little drunk and a lot of hungry! If I was home I would have been making them a meal an hour and pushing water and more bubbly! My parents stopped by the house to save their starving kids and made them “breakfast” around 2:30 or so. My parents sure are the best! I wined while they dined and caught a little buzz myself from my Chianti for less than 4 euros. The family got home around 9:30pm and I was still sitting in the kitchen with my laptop and Pink Panther cup. Chianti stained lips and teeth I tried to maintain while greeting my other family. Tommaso must have had some serious sugar where they were because he was WILD! Running in and out of the kitchen and being silly on camera for my family at home. He thought that putting a dirty stripe sock was the funniest thing in the world and I still don’t know why! He became quiet behind me facing the counter so I asked him what he was doing…he was literally shoving spoonfuls of honey into his mouth until I made him stop!! Trying my best not to laugh I yank the spoon from him and tell him that’s bad and not ok. He runs out on an even larger sugar high than when he arrived home. All of the sudden he is back in the doorway and dropkicks a soccer ball into the little kitchen! Oh mio Dio…the ball was only a mere 4 inches above the wine and I closed my eyes and said a silent thank you to whomever saved my ass right then. That could have been such a disaster for me. They might even think that I did it and then it would look like I can’t hold my liquor. None of this happened and my Skype date carried on for another hour or so more. My Skype family continued to drink as well and once my bottle ran out I had one final night-cap: scotch. I have not drunk this since Christmas but I still wanted to visit and drink with everyone! I was having too much fun and probably should have skipped the scotch but thankfully I didn’t feel that bad this morning. My tolerance level sure has depleted but nothing that the sun couldn’t clear up once I finally got up out of bed. I could hear the boys playing and being themselves in and out of each room in the house. I love that T knew I was trying to sleep in and kept trying to convince them to play away from their room, which is next door to mine. I woke up about every hour from 7:30am until I finally opened my door at 11am when I heard one of the boys yell for their mother at full volume down the hall. “OK, I’m UP!” I tell them while I make my way to the bathroom. “Good morning!” they tell me with big grins! No matter what I am feeling at any given moment, when they speak English to me it makes my heart happy. After I come out of the bathroom I realize that I am dehydrated and still tired. I lay down after chugging a full bottle of water. An hour later I hear them leaving and I decide that I must make myself get up, get dressed and go to the park for the afternoon. Sunshine, a workout and my book would fix everything that I was feeling.

On my way uphill to the park I stopped in a pizza shop to get my lunch for later. It was full and their were only three choices for pizza. Cheese, prosciutto and zucchini blossom. The blossoms were so pretty and colorful I decided on a piece of that and a small ham and fresh mozzarella panino. I have a sudden craving for  carbonation and pull a thin can of Fanta out of the mini fridge. Orange soda? Why not? I was feeling thirsty again and my water would not suffice. Once outside I take a large gulp in hopes of cold goodness I am met with cool(not COLD)  liquid orange sugar. What is with Rome and the lack of coolness in the fridge?! Don’t people ever want cold drinks without the aid of ice cubes?? Once I made it up to a clearing in the trees I settled near a fallen log in the sun. I did about 6 songs worth of exercise then felt instantly tired. Laying across my mat I rested for a little while until I saw some fast movement out the corner of my eye. I jumped up and had a staring contest with a huge black and yellow lizard. Our hearts pounded in surprise for at least 67 seconds and once I went to grab him and he disappeared. Could have been quite the photograph! I have never seen a black lizard with electric yellow spots. In fact the entire park must be swarming with bugs and new animal life. I realized that I have not visited the park in almost two weeks and already there was so much change. The green grass and plants had grown an entire foot! There were butterflies and too many bugs. I chose another place to settle after my encounter with the black and yellow when I considered what else was lurking under that large old log. I found a grassy area as far away from the trees as I could be and still have sun between the fast-moving clouds. When I opened up my bag of lunch I look in and realize that my pretty pizza had SARDINES hidden underneath the cheese and blossoms. These salty fish are not really my favorite so I only had a corner bite then decided to eat it tomorrow. Happily, I enjoyed my panino and read by book after I removed my shoes and made a pillow out of my purse and jacket.  I must have taken on and off my shirt 17 times throughout my 5 hour lounge at the park today. Hot and then cold. Sunny then shade. Wind then silence. I jumped when there was a tiny ant crawling on me and flicked tiny bugs off my mat for the remainder of my stay. The park was full of people! From exercise enthusiasts, young couples making out, kids kicking soccer balls, kids throwing frisbees and old people seated comfortably on the scattered park benches, today was a perfect day for the park. Public displays of affection are frequent and still surprise me. Many people really have no shyness or something is just different here in Rome. This kid seriously had his hand up his girlfriends (I hope) shirt in plain sight sitting near the street corner. Cars driving by and people walking their dogs didn’t turn their head twice to look the way I did. All I thought was what if her mother drove by!? Would she be embarrassed? Hanging out with these boys has made me feel so old and motherly…I am worried about some 16-year-old strangers getting to second base in the park? What has become of me!?

During our sugo Sunday pasta dinner we laughed and had a great conversation about the dentist. Tommaso went last week and I was asking how he does and if he fears it or doesn’t mind it. They say that he does really well but when the drill is involved not so well. I don’t think ANYONE enjoys or looks forward to the drill lying back in that awful chair while they doc asks you questions that you can’t answer since his hands are in your mouth. Why do they always seem to want to talk when you can’t answer or nod in that case since he has some sharp tool near your gums or tongue? Somewhere in the conversation we begin talking about pulling teeth and I ask what the “wisdom teeth” are and if there is similar translation. I get my mini dictionary so that we can make sure that we are using the correct words. I love moments such as this! I learn that “denti del giudizio” is something like the equivalent. When we look up the word “giudizio” I smile when I find that it means “judgement” or “common sense”! I love this language. It makes me chuckle. Don’t judge me; I know people with UNcommon sense.

Oh and the time changed today…no wonder I lost an hour during my drunken snooze. I even missed the beep from a text message. In other words: I think that I was passed out since I can hear the kids turn over in their beds. For staying in this weekend I sure had fun!


Posted in: When in Rome