“I Will Kill You With Broccoli!”

Posted on April 8, 2011


Dear Half-Chewed Gum,

Matteo spit his gum in my hand after about two minutes after putting it in his mouth. He made me carry his toys, jacket and the wrapper then put the gum between his teeth to show me that he was finished with it. After he ran ahead of me I threw it behind my back into the street wishing I hadn’t dropped the wrapper. What was I supposed to do with it? I am not at the point (probably won’t be anytime soon) to eat anything offered from his mouth to mine. T was in the Grand Cherokee waiting for us to pile in so we could head to Judo. Right before we arrived at school I was telling her that I still have not gotten my phone so she tells me to use hers and send him the message so he can try to reach me on her cell. Back at the house I frantically searched for his number again. Lost. I turn on my computer and tell her that I have it in a message. She tells me to get it and meet her downstairs so that she can get the car. I cuss at my computer and tell it not to “F” around and better have the internet running and no problems! It works and I didn’t have to mentally back-hand it. I scribble the number and shove it in my back pocket. I feel a coin and pull it out. 20 cents! Damnit. Earlier today I had only 1,80 and needed 2 euro to buy some gelato. I thought it was a sign to just skip it so I pressed on. The entire time I had the exact change if I checked my pockets! Me.

I write a lengthy message to him and have her send it. He calls within 2 minutes and I am smiling like a fool. Embarrassing myself I turn away and talk to him while she drives. He asks me why I didn’t just come to his work yesterday to get it and I tell him that I didn’t make time. Half the truth. I didn’t get going and my head hurt from my mild overdose of limoncello. I thought getting a hold of him would be easier and that he would have brought it to me last night. He tells me that he tried to call the house but it was busy. In the end he tells me that he will bring it to me tonight. I ask him what time and he tells me around 12:30 am. At least I can stalk the street from the balcony and not be stuck outside in the dark all alone. Tomorrow I agreed to wake up at 8 am to entertain the boys while their parents get their blood work done. At dinner she told me that if I wanted to run down to the store to get wine I could but I would be drinking alone since they can’t drink before having blood drawn. I decide yes and run down before the store closes. When I get back and uncorked it she reminded me not “drink the entire bottle” since I have to be up early! I tell her I won’t and only had one full glass before shoving the cork back inside the bottle. That was only 2 times I have drank a bottle alone. It is not a habit! My head is still angry with me two days after the limoncello drinking contest so I had no interest in more than a glass.

At Judo I sit quietly in a corner with my book and relax. Tommaso comes running over to share a National Geographic that he slams into my lap covering my book. “Wow! Look at that.” I respond and wait for him to tell me somthing in English. “In English!” he exclaims while opening it as if was a pop-up book. Carefully we turned the pages and he points to all the English words and tells me to “guarda!” (look!) After he closes it he scampers off and I tell him “thank you!” I get back to my story and once Matteo runs out the class he finds me and I help him change back into his regular clothes. Again, he is missing his belt. I ask him where it is and he points to the class. “GO get it!” I tell him and shake my head remembering that just Tuesday he grabbed the wrong belt and when I dressed him today it wasn’t his belt. When he returns he shoves the belt at me and asks me to read the tag. “Domya?” I say and ask if he is sure that it is his. He points to the letters and pretends to read his full name out loud. Va bene. If it is not his next week we can trade it again.

The other Nana comes at her usual time and we say hello and exchange the usual double kisses to the cheek. I personally thank her for the shirt she got me and she tells me it lookes nice on me. I wore it today and when I realized I got to see her with me wearing it made it all the better. I continue to read and stay close to here and T while they catch up. I understand that she is telling her that it is my boyfriends birthday Sunday and asking what she thinks about the dessert idea. She tells her to tell me to go to the store near here since it has more selection and I can find something in a box that is easy and can be made fast. T gives me a 10 and sends me off. Once I walk in I realize that it is a serious maze in this tight yet huge supermercato. There is only one way in and one way out. Everyone pretty much has to hit every aisle before checking out. I love the store so I didn’t mind. The fruit is at the start and I almost knock over a pair of nanas inspecting pears when I see tiny boxes of fresh raspberries! My plan for cupcakes just got better! As long as I have the berries that is all that matters. They are his favorite and I was going to feel like  failure if I had to find frozen mushed ones to compensate. I find a box of cake mix and some frosting/cream (I think..) for the topping or mix that I might shove between the tops of the cakes. I have a plan in my mind what I want them to look like and hopefully taste like. I looked up recipes on the Food Network site and landed on a Giada de laurentis surprise. All her recipes are a hit so I trust this beauty. I am not really a “baker” more of a “chef” but I will do my best. The plan is to go to the park for the day with his friends and BBQ for the day. He got the day off and has planned a party outside at some special park. He tells me that his mother and uncle want to “crash” the party and he doesn’t seem to happy about it. I tell him that he can’t really tell his mother know and he rolls his eyes and says, “This I know.”

Another thing that no one should tell their mother is that they are going to “kill you with broccoli!” No kidding this is what Matteo told his mother today in the car when the radio somehow failed and there was no sound. It was no ones fault that the stereo stopped working but he alwasy blames his mom. He kicked my seat and growled like the Hulk and threw stuff all over the backseat all while yelling at his mother. When he shouts I can’t understand him as well but when I heard him say “broccoli!” I laughed and asked her what he was yelling to her. She laughs out loud and tells me that when he gets home he is going to “kill” her with broccoli! I laugh and ask what that means and her response it that she has no idea he says crazy stuff like this all the time. “Perche broccoli?” (why) she inquires. “Perche schifisisisisisimo!” (because it sucks and its disgusting!) We laugh but he does not. He is seriously upset about the lack of music. I am glad that we don’t have any broccoli at home.


Posted in: When in Rome