I Just Want to Buy SOMETHING!!!

Posted on May 21, 2011


Dear Solo Saturday,

Today when I woke up I weighed myself and I think I lost 4 more kilo! I love that sometimes I feel guilty eating stuff but in the end I am still getting smaller so it makes me want to shop! So I took the afternoon to find myself something and take some time alone away from the house. Why is it that when you have money to spend you can never find anything and when you feel broke that is when you actually find stuff that you want?? I took the Metro pretty far away to another well-known area to shop and walked up and down with absolutely NO luck. I fell in love with some wingtip ballerina flats but they didn’t fit right plus I am searching for black and white and these were dark blue and white. Close enough but I didn’t love the tiny bow or the fact that they could be mistaken for black when they were in fact navy blue. The Metro was full of people but my ride was long enough that I took along my book. I started reading an old Dan Brown book called Deception Point that has got me addicted!

Today I found a Blockbuster! Not that I went inside but I didn’t think that there were any in this country. I miss movies and keeping up with all the newest films and reviews. It just isn’t something I do here. I also walked by a place called Titty Bar and had to snap a photo because it was nothing more than a coffee shop with sandwiches! Where I am from that means it is a strip club so I had a good laugh to myself. After I headed back towards home I decided to stop off and see if there were any films playing at a Cinema near Via del Corso and stop at a few other stores. I still wanted to buy myself SOMETHING! I arrived to the theatre with barely ten minutes to the start of the movie called The Tree of Life with Brad Pitt and Sean Penn. I have never heard of this or had an idea what it was about but it was nearly 5pm and it is Brad Pitt. I got my ticket and ran to find gelato to take inside with me. I rushed and ordered some pistachio (my flavor of the month) and some Cappuccino since I didn’t have any coffee today. I splurged and had the fresh whipped cream and didn’t feel an ounce of guilt! I made it back just in time for some short previews and had my gelato in the dark. Each bite was a surprise and it tasted amazing. Even if this movie sucks at least I had bought something that I did like for myself today. Two hours later I exited the theatre in a strange daze. What a film. I am still deciding if I loved it or liked it. I didn’t hate it but it sure was different from any other film I have seen. Makes you think kind of movie. I believe the final message of the film is to love unconditionally because in the end that is all that matters in life. Which is what I have been learning thus far…

I made a few stops at some shops and tried on another pair of shoes at Puma. The ones I have been eyeing are finally 20% off but I couldn’t make up my mind. They were silver and more like a fancy ballerina flat with the logo cut out on the outside of the foot…cute and different. Pumas are one of the most comfortable shoes ever made so I think I might go back for them tomorrow. I asked the chick to hold them for  me but I am still trying to justify the sale price. I think that I just want to buy something and the fact that I was only 7 euro short was a good thing. I wasn’t in love with them so that was probably a sign I didn’t need them since I couldn’t buy them on the spot. There were so many people shopping this evening I weaved in and out of the crowd like it was an obstacle course. between people, dogs, artists and people selling stuff on the street it is quite the act. I waited at the bus stop and then realized that I have been walking home a new route along the river and there was no need to stand around and wait for the bus when the sun was still shining! I headed back through the maze of people and shops, cut a sharp left at Fendi, passed the Ferrari shop and found the river. The sun was setting and it was a gorgeous view all the way home. I love this walk home and I will never grow tired of it!

Once through the door Tommaso hugged me and said hi! I could barely set my purse down in my room and wash my hands (and feet! It is dirty walking in sandals here..SF has nothing on Romes dirty ancient streets!) when Matteo came busting through the bathroom to give me a hug while I was sitting on the toilet washing my feet in the bidet! He had on only a shirt but he missed me enough to hug me and tell me about his day. He got new shoes, which he ran out to show me, and told me what he was going to wear tomorrow. I reminded him that we were all going to the “fattoria” (farm) tomorrow and asked what I should wear. He told me that I should wear a purple shirt, a red hat, blue jacket and paint my toes black. All in mostly English by the way! He is very specific about me painting my toes and nails when we get started about clothes and shoes! He is too much fun and really makes my heart happy. After the boys told me goodnight I went to the kitchen to make myself something to eat. I realized that I was really hungry and didn’t eat anything except a banana and gelato while I was out. I left at 12:30 and came home after 8! I put on some pasta and kindly refused the “meat” which T shared with me was LIVER! I told her I was unsure if I liked it and didn’t want to try it and she told me that I have eaten it before! Wow! It is better to not ask what I am eating I think. Any kind of meat that isn’t white I have not really liked anyways and now that it is shared it could have been liver!? I understand my distaste completely now.

I turned on my computer and brought it into the kitchen to keep me company while I had my “white” pasta with fresh lemon zest, olive oil and fresh Parmigiano. Soon after I opened up my computer I found that there was another recent loss for another family…an old friend’s younger brother passed away yesterday. I was in shock and suddenly deeply effected by the news. Her and I have not been close but when we were young we were “best friends” and I remember her brother when he was just a little boy maybe 8 years old?? Right then my mom Skyped me and I told her about the sad news and I began to cry. When you have to say something out loud it is always intensified and when the words leave your lips you feel that quiver and your eyes fill blurring your vision. Now my thoughts and prayers are with two families bearing a sudden loss this month. The film I saw today was such a strange take on life and love. Loss and gain. Nature and nurture. All the polarizing opposites in the world that represent life itself. And family. In the opening of the movie a woman shares this quote,”There are two ways through life: the way of nature, and the way of Grace. You have to choose which one you’ll follow.” I think what it means is that the way of nature is harsh and reality but if you choose grace perhaps the hard stuff can become easier. Who knows.


Posted in: When in Rome