The Dog Used My Bathroom & Rock! Paper! GUN!

Posted on June 23, 2011


Dear Dumpster Dive,

I threw my keys in the dumpster today! Tommaso asked me to take him down to the paper shop to buy some Pokemon cards (which are EXPENSIVE by the way!) so I only took my keys and sunglasses. I had also taken some trash in a small plastic while we were outside to drop at the dumpsters. I wore my key ring on my ring finger and told myself NOT to drop them in the trash for any stupid reason. 4,50 euro later for the silly cards we made it to the trash. I tied the bag in a knot and struggled with it. This is where I went wrong! I reached with my left hand to untie it and once it was released everything went down the chute! Including my keys! I was trying to pour the paper contents out and then throw the plastic bag into the other dumpster. I tried to lift the metal lid and was not successful. This particular trash is right in front of a movie cinema so there was a guy outside watching me fail. He came over to help me lift the lid but little me still couldn’t reach the keys in perfect sight! This particular trash was only paper (Thank the Roman Gods!) so the next move was to find a metal hanger to twist to “fish” for my keys. There are three different types of trash for plastic and glass and then another for paper. The compost/food garbage trucks come every other day. These Italians have it right! Luckily, there was a wire hanger in their coat closet so he brought it out and retrieved my keys. Tommaso didn’t even notice or care; he was sitting “Indian style” on the dirty sidewalk. I explained to him what happened and he jumped to his feet to try to peek while pointing and laughing at me! It was pretty funny. I thanked the stranger a million (grazie mille) and we headed home with me clutching my keys and poking Tommaso with them every time he pointed and laughed at me.

Once home T and nana were almost worried since it was taking us a little longer than it should have. I told them what happened and they also laughed at me. This was pretty damn funny but something even funnier happened after dinner…I will get to that later. I went into my bathroom to wash my hands of the dirty city and caught nana’s little dog peeing near my shower! I grabbed him and did what my instincts told me and held him over the toilet but it was too late. He did his deed. At least he used the bathroom.  The housekeeper was there mopping so she just came in for a quick sweep over the gray tile. What’s next?

I like to draw for the boys and then they color or paint my pictures. For over an hour I drew Pokemon characters while the boys painted them. If I have something to look at I can sketch just about anything; ask me to draw something from memory? Fail. I drew some strange little monsters and they had a grand time painting. I got jabbed with a red paintbrush on my forearm but that was about it. Not that I was wearing anything special and I am pretty sure that this paint is water-based so it is safe. Soon it was time for dinner. First course was some white fish with capers and tomato. Then while the pasta cooked I drew some more while they painted. During the second course we practiced more English and the boys and I made an agreement per their mother’s request: That I only answer the boys if they say at least one English word within their sentence or questions to me. Agreed. Va bene. We had some rigatoni pasta with fresh sugo. Somehow I dropped one piece of pasta and it hit EVERYTHING that I was wearing (and I wasn’t worried about paint!?) My shirt, my pants, my flip-flop and my big toe! One tiny piece did all of this! I changed my shirt but didn’t realize it was on my pants, shoe and toe until I went outside to check the laundry during the sunset. Can’t be too careful when it comes to pasta.

By the time that dinner was over it was a quarter to 9 pm! The boys insisted on playing for another ten minutes so we sat on the floor and played “rock, paper, scissors.” We have been working on this game and it is always a fun one that I can actually win at! Tommaso has not figured out a way to cheat so we play well together. The four of us rotated between winners and losers and soon as Matteo played against his mother instead of shouting “scissors!” when he threw he made a gun and shouted gun and made a pistol with his fingers and pointed it all sideways like a true gangster! I LOVE when these kids can make us laugh so hard that I have to hold my stomach! When they make jokes in English it makes my heart happy! Rock! Paper! Gun! If you have a gun I think that you always win!! Then as Tommaso jumped up so count to three he threw his hands up against the wall shouting the number “three” and somehow his pants came untied perfectly and dropped to his ankles! We really had a good laugh about this. It is funniest when they are trying not to be funny. That is when they are the best!


Posted in: When in Rome