Screaming like a Girl & “a beautiful shit!”

Posted on July 7, 2011


Dear Ghost in the House,

I am totally unsure who it is and I definitely DO NOT know him or her. I was so nervous excited that I didn’t know what to do!!! Last night after I retired to my room and shut the doors and lights I turned on my little lamp to read and a few minutes into my fantastic book there was a LOUD bang on my door. Sort of the sound as if someone or something walked into the door and abruptly was stopped. I knew that nothing could have fallen from the walls since the walls are naked…I thought about what else could make that sound and I knew. I had the chills and my heart pounded so hard I thought it might leap out my chest through my esophagus and out my pursed lips! I held my book to my chest and held my breath…listening…nothing. Dead silence. I couldn’t decide how to react. I have never been scared or felt alone here in Italy. This night was the first. I had no one to call (I thought about calling Mickey but what would I say!? Talk to me until I fall asleep there is a ghost outside my room!? I laughed at myself as I calmed down) I felt the pure need and curiosity settle in my bones. There was something present and it wanted to be heard. I made myself get up and open the door. Slowly I looked out to the nothingness in the hall. Exactly what I thought. It WAS a ghost since there was absolutely NOTHING in the hallway AT  ALL! I felt less scared that I had the confidence to open the door but then I had thoughts that I “let in” my room whatever it was. I closed the door promptly and jumped back into my tiny bed. I said a silent “prayer” in my mind and to the ghost that if it wasn’t here to help me and if I couldn’t help it to please leave quietly. Suddenly it was dead quiet again and I knew that it was “gone.” I read some more while my heart calmed down. I felt wide awake but was not fearful. I felt so…alive in that moment. I was practically grateful for the sudden scare! Sometimes I like to feel fearful…then to get past is a great sensation. Bravery? Courage? What is it about fear that we love and hate so much?  I also never have felt so TALL in Italian beds. I can reach the head-board and foot board and we all know that I am NOT tall at all. I read some more and thought about the character in my book who is 6 foot 4 and that he had no chance of sleeping in a bed like mine here. I let myself read for another twenty minutes before I turned off my light. I fell asleep fast and awoke to screaming boys!

It was just the early morning. 7am…the usual wake up call. I almost wished they were screaming in terror instead of to terrorize me while I tried to “sleep in” until past 8:30. Impossible with them. I cover my ears with my thick tempurpedic pillow and try to get back into my dream world. I was awake…and they were not yelling (which is a word they now know since I tell them everyday NO YELLING!) they were screaming…those high pitched girl type screams that in a few years when they realize that BOYS don’t scream like so they will never again attempt the horrendous pitch. I am always telling them not to yell while nana is always telling me “no!” Well she may not be saying the word every time but everything that I do is never right. I lay out the boys clothes…not those! I pick a spot on the open sand at the beach..not there! Too windy…isn’t wind everywhere though?? I cut an apple..NOT like that! She takes it from my hands as if I have never even seen an apple let alone had any experience cutting fruit. I took the boys for a lovely walk along the beach today (which was too long of a walk because we three got the finger in the face and fast talking Italian when she found us) but when we returned to the umbrella and our towels nana was nowhere to be seen. So they wanted to go to the park, which can be seen from our umbrella. It is so close that I can see if people at the beach are smiling or frowning. NOT far at all. We play at the park and suddenly Matteo tells me that he has to take a dump. Well not in English but in Italian of course…I had no clue what to do! I asked the man working on the grass and sprinklers in the park if there was a bathroom nearby frantically pulling him by the hand! Nothing! No where! We are surrounded by houses…no stores. No bars. No damn toilet within two miles! It is not like I had any tissue or paper to wipe his ass in my teeny tiny ten euro bikini I just bought from some stranger selling suits along the water. Literally on a rack with wheels and everything! I LOVE shopping and tanning at the same time? It was a good day…until… Back to the point…He whined and all I could let him do was take a shit near the tree…what else do you do?? Pooping his pants (his brothers job) is far worse than a little crap near a tree right? Less mess…yet all stress! I still don’t know what to do since all I can think of is in the states and other countries you can get fined for not picking up dog shit in a park or on the street. Was I going to get fined for letting a kid poo in the park!?? My mind raced as I showed him to squat down and not stand too close to his shoes or suit. What the hell am I doing!?? Where the hell is nana?? “Che bella cacca!” What a beautiful shit he tells me and points to his turd…right. Indeed. I try to get him to come over near the water fountain in attempt to wash his ass but he is not having it. Nana comes rushing over in a frantic while I am hoping that he doesn’t tell nana that I let him poop near the tree like an animal. He says nothing since I realize that she is yet again scolding us for not coming back to the umbrella! We did! I ask where she was…her CAR was gone what were we supposed to do?? She left us and it isn’t like we hitch hiked to the house or something . Take it easy! She said that our walk was too long, it was too windy and that we have to go home NOW! She left me to pack away the umbrella and all the towels (my punishment?) and carry all the crap back to the car. Sorry nana..geeeez. She got really mad at us the other day too when we were watching The Twilight series and we were all three into it! I was determined to watch the entire thing, even with subtitles, I have never seen it! Then the next day when Eclipse was on we HAD to watch it since I told them there was ANOTHER (ooops…learn to shut up…) she was so mad at us that she actually LEFT the house for over an hour. I hoped that when she returned it would be over and we wouldn’t be statues in front of the TV. We lucked out and we were playing Bocce when she came back in the front yard..nothing here. Nothing here. I don’t want to make nana upset but I just don’t know…we don’t understand each other…well I feel like I understand her better than she me but the language barrier is pretty bad! Tonight it took us like 5 minutes to understand eachother about taking out the trash! Something so simple right!? Nope. Not here. She wanted me to take out the trash from the kitchen THEN take the plastic bag with the bottles BUT keep the plastic bag after I dumped the bottles. Years later…I got it. When she ran out to hand me he bag with the bottles…I thought she said that SHE would take it. Somewhere else to recycle…So confused.

Anyway back to speaking of statues…The kids have a friend across the way that comes to play called Danielle and he is such a cutie pie and well-behaved little guy! We started this crazy game of tag and also when someone yells “statue” everyone must freeze and whomever moves first is “it” and then they count to twenty. We did this until we were all sweaty from the running in and out of the house and screaming. Yes, I even screamed like a little girl while running from the children. It IS fun but only at times that are appropriate…not NOW…at night with all the lights off for example. Screaming like chicks…just wait until they are older and I tell them that they used to scream like little girls! From living with the boys I know EACH of their screams personally and Tommaso has a thing about screaming in the night before bed and Matteo..he reserves the early, early, early, early, early…did I say early?? Morning. I only allowed this game and participated since nana was not home. She didn’t say (never does) where she was going but I made an agreement with the kids that soon as we heard the doors opening that we would stop and play something else. I AM such a kid after all and I AM scared of nana! The same day that she left in a huff that we were watching Eclipse she even told ME that I couldn’t watch anymore TV that day! Ouch. No TV? I watched it later when she went to bed but I felt a little guilty…I justifed it that I was not to turn the TV on with the kids around for the rest of the day. Easy enough.

Tomorrow is finally Friday. Earlier in the week before arriving I had 80% intention on staying with the family through the weekend but now I have a 100% chance of going home…for a few days alone. I hope to see Mickey but even I there is no chance at least I can sleep a little shopping and drink a bottle of wine. Nana doesn’t really drink but the entire WEEK we nursed a bottle of Antico Colle Vino Nobile Di Montepulciano from 2007. There are three (now 2) bottles and if it was the regular family they would have been long gone Tuesday! Since I am allowed my weekends “free” I think it is best if I take advantage now since next month we will be so far from Rome that it will not be possible to “take the train” home for a few days. August will be Ovindoli mountains and then Sardegna! I know that I keep mentioning it and we all know that I leave the 20th but I am beyond EXCITED! The only problem…my camera got some sand (I think that is the problem..) and when I turn it on it flashes “lens error…lens error” Shit. I better get that fixed this weekend…good luck with that Lex….I mean….


Posted in: When in Rome