Italian Spell Check & Drunken Ice-Cream!

Posted on July 14, 2011


Dear Tree Sap,

I have not had issues with tree sap since I was probably under the age of 8 years old and my parents were not even back together yet! Us girls and my dad used to camp a lot when I was young and I always feared and hated the sticky stuff. Destroying pine cones (in search of pine nuts of course!) can be a direct result of sticky hands but I got the stuff on the back of my leg and shin…I think that I got in only in one spot but when I sat “Indian-style” it stuck in two places. I took a nice little sapped-nap under the large pine tree in the yard. I set up the nice lounge chair, put a thick chair pad and passed out on my stomach for about 45 minutes. It was a beautiful nap and I woke up to almost drooling since I was in such a deep sleep! Once I sat up and realized that I had been “sapped” I wasn’t in such a happy mood anymore. I tried to deal with it but decided that ignorance is bliss in situations as this. A day later it is still a little sticky but I rubbed some tanning oil and sand from the beach into it and it seemed to help. Home remedy? Sure I just made it up hoping that it would have a result. It is a lot better!

There is another tree near the big sap tree that Tommaso has been climbing lately. I think that it is alright and nana didn’t shout for him to get down so I approve too. He climbed REALLY high yesterday and was calling for me, “Lex-eeee, help me pleeeeaseeee….” Athough this short sentence is only about 5 syllables he manages to make it into about 8…! I help him down but about ten minutes later I smell something…bad. I sort of think that it could be dog shit but it is not likely that the smell could be that intense off a kid shoe…Mamma mia. I had an terrible image in my mind and when I became closer to Tommaso I knew what had happened. I think that he scared the shit out of himself being so high up in the damn tree! He pooped his pants. I literally bent down to his little butt and sniffed! UGHGH Come on!!! The things we have to do… (And this is NOT the first time…I don’t understand that he fails to go to bathroom for a number 2 AND then there is Matteo that wets his pants) I rushed him to the bathroom by the arm as if he was under arrest and made him clean up after himself. I handed him clean white underwear and told him to deal with it and shut the door to give him privacy from his brother and friend from across the street. I refuse to wipe their ass barehanded in water, I am not sorry this is too much for me to handle and they are not babies in diapers I shouldn’t have to deal with so much shit and piss. Poor Matteo too, I think that when he wakes up in the middle of the night he is scared of the dark and instead of sneaking off to he toilet me wets his bed out of fear of something else in the night. I would be more scared of nana yelling at me than some phantom in dark! They will grow out of it I am sure but it doesn’t mean that I was going to let him feel even more embarrassed than he already was…I did not let his brother or friend what happened and carried his dirty details in a bin over my head so that they couldn’t peek at the problem either. I have his back and after he changed I let him go play across the street but I told him that I must tell nana since she is the only one that can actually deal with it…I don’t have the skills (yet) to put on gloves and hand pick feces out of kids bright blue underwear without almost hurling my lunch or dinner. I am sure if it is my own flesh and blood that will be a different story but for now…I am just not prepared to take on that role with a kid at this point in time.

I went to buy a TIM card for my phone since I am running out of minutes and the cashier brought on a sinister grin…I really was laughing AT him but I am just telling the truth. What the hell people are so strange. I asked for a TIM card for 10 euro but he tells me that he only has them for 5 or 2o. Okay fine…I laughed when he handed me just ONE card for 5 when I thought that he would give me two…right?? Wrong. I just took the one for 5 to save some bucks and laughed as I put it in my back pocket and got back onto my bicycle. I rode to the beach today and had some “free” time for about two hours. It was extremely windy and the beach was gorgeous! The waves were incredible and pretty big for such a calm day yesterday. It is amazing how much the weather effects the tide. It was nice to sit and listen to my iPod and take in the sunshine with no interruptions except people trying to sell me shit I don’t need like hats, scarfs, jewelry and purses. “No grazie!” I shout and wave them on like an angry grandparent. I must seem so grumpy sometimes. I just don’t want anything and I am listening to my music so leave me alone already! It was nice to be alone but the other day we took a trip to the good beach and got to play in the water. The kids have their blow up “floaties” that look like gigantic Popeye muscles that don’t let them drown and I had a tiny blown up “boat” that was not intended to save my life but was a lot of fun to float on. As soon as we parked the car nana tried to park with her butt of the car like three feet in the street and we got honked at so she reversed in a huff and HIT A PARKED MOTORCYCLE! It tipped over so fast and she told me not to say or DO anything! We laughed and all had wide eyes…I gathered some things to carry and tried to lift the two seater but had NO LUCK! Bikes are not light and this was a disaster! I would have been so mad if this was my bike and I came back from a day at the sea and the dark blue Vespa was horizontal with the street! What can we do…it was a “hit and run.” My second “motor vehicle accident” that was minor.

On the beach yesterday there was a “free water gym class” that nana participated in and I dug a hole in the sand with the boys. We both got our own workout! After she returned she told me to sneak off and take the raft while I could so the boys wouldn’t see me. I love that she gives me chances to get away when I need a break! She is the best. I sulked behind their backs and paddled like I was escaping prison (my shoulders and upper body feel it THIS morning!) and lounged under the sun as my small boat got blown to the other side of the beach. I paddled hard again to return to our spot and was tired and covered in sand once I had to deflate all three toys. Some cute lifeguard blew them all up for free with a machine but I would have paid him to deflate them…! After we gathered all of our stuff and managed to make it up the small hill to the car I told nana to watch out for parked motorcycles and she laughed and playfully hit me behind the head! At least we have begun to understand eachother MUCH better between laughs now instead of apologies.

On my solo adventure on the bike today I stopped for some gelato…supposedly the best gelato here in this tiny town. I WAS impressed! There were so many choices it took me a minute to decide on my second flavor. When I saw Crema di Whiskey that was a given…Whiskey ice-cream!? I found another love in my life. And then I mixed ricotta and figs (ricotta e fichi) BUT then after he already was about to hand over the goodness Ricotta e cannella (cinnamon!) caught my eye! Damnit that is one of my favorites! It was “too late” and the cone I chose was only going to accommodate two flavors so I pouted and accepted it but when he saw my disappointment he grabbed a spoon and gave me a large scoop just to make me smile. It was amazing! I am hoping to go back today (second time who cares!) and get three scoops of just the cannella alone! I will probably manipulate the children into begging nana so I won’t seem like such a “little miss piggy.”

It is time to go back to the sea so now is my chance to ask about the ice-cream….


P.S. I was having serious issues with spell check here with WordPress and I had to find something like Microsoft Word but made it work with Outlook and cut and pasted this entry! When I went to spell check it was in Italian!! Haaa so I changed it to English but it still was difficult and strange to process…so if there are errors this is WHY!!! Ahh the things that make me laugh..spell check in Italian doesn’t help me much…When in Tuscany…

Posted in: When in Rome